Happy belated Valentine’s Day. Whether you believe it’s a day to celebrate love or merely a conspiracy of the card and flower companies, it’s hard to avoid. Here are five ways the law finds its way into our relationships, good and bad.
1. Civil unions. They are an option, for everyone. It’s not news that Illinois will allow civil unions when the new law takes effect in June, basically giving same-sex couples the same state rights already given to married couples. A civil union gives two people inheritance rights, emergency medical decision-making power, parental rights, pension benefits, the ability to share a room in a nursing home, etc. Opposite-sex couples can get civil unions, too, and in some cases it might be a better than marriage. Consider the person who wants to get remarried later in life – they might decide not to because they could lose social security or pension survivor benefits. However, they would not lose those if they got a civil union (because federal law doesn’t recognize civil unions).
2. Prenups. Don’t rush into things. A prenuptial agreement is worth considering before you get married or enter into a civil union. It might be awkward to talk about (and you probably shouldn’t bring it up on Valentine’s Day), but it’s not about distrusting your future spouse. It’s about being practical. It’s about protecting a family business or children from a previous marriage. A prenup allows you to keep some or all of your property separate. If you don’t want your spouse to inherit everything upon your death, you can put that in the prenup, too. It can also go into detail about the financial responsibilities of each person. Basically, a prenup is a way to prevent disagreements later on, and if divorce happens, it can save you a lot of time and money.
3. Cheating spouses and divorce. The court doesn’t punish a spouse for cheating. Infidelity is not part of the equation when a judge divides property, and it’s not a consideration in awarding custody. Property is divided “equitably,” and custody decisions are made in the best interest of the child. This can be bad news to someone who feels that their spouse pretty much ruined everything. It might seem wrong that they still get to keep half of the savings account or ask the court for custody of the kids. But the issues are separate, legally speaking.
4. Restraining orders. If you need a restraining order, get one. Some people feel that having a court order will do nothing to stop their abuser. However, if the abuser knows that violating the order can lead to jail time, it can be a good deterrent. Also, having an order makes it easier for the police to protect you. First, fill out a petition and file it with the correct court – civil or criminal (if the police have been involved). You can ask for an emergency order of protection, where the judge will hold an initial hearing without the abuser present, or a non-emergency order of protection, where both parties appear on the hearing date. There is no filing fee.
5. Reconciliation. You can reconcile after filing for divorce. If you and your spouse decide to reconcile, or at least try, the court will usually support you. You can ask the judge to order counseling. In some counties, including Cook, you can actually put your divorce proceeding on hold. If both parties agree in writing, the judge can suspend the process for a year. If there are temporary orders (child custody, support, etc.), they will usually remain in effect. Either party can change their mind and put the case back in the system. If nothing is done after a year, the case will probably be dismissed.
